When I Look Back ... Calling on God for the Impossible.

Sometimes I used to make my mom come into my room at night, after I should have been asleep, to scratch my back.  I hated when she'd rub it.  It had to be scratched.

She would.


Now I know she was surely feeling the pressure of household tasks or simply the draw of crawling into her own bed.  But she took the time to scratch my back.

*   *   *

I spent a lot of yesterday barking orders at my children, getting frustrated at myself for not knowing what to do with their disobedience, then feeling worse because I always resort to yelling.  Yelling "works" especially well with Brian.  But I should be able to come up with something better than that. Right?  And oh, the rage that wells up within me when I'm defied.  Boy oh boy!

We also got out to do some sledding, had dinner at my sister's cozy home with her family, and I wrapped up the day with individual cuddle and reading time with each of my sweet ones (eventually falling asleep for a while in Elizabeth's bed with her.)  How precious!  And the icing on the cake: getting to be with my husband and hear about his algorithm troubles before finally succumbing to sleep for good.




That's life, isn't it?  The ugly mixed with the beauty.  The rotten stink of sin intermingled with the fragrant aroma of the true, right, noble, and praiseworthy.


It got me to thinking about what I want to remember about the years I had at home with my children.  I want them to be "back scratching" memories!  But right now I imagine they will guilt-filled memories, seeing only the times I blew it.  That will be horrible and it is NOT the way I want to remember.


A friend (thanks, Tom) asked this question on a facebook post today:

Are you calling upon the Father for the impossible today? 

I'm glad I read this before sitting down with my notebook and the Word.  What fuel for prayer!

What's the impossible in my life?  To stop being a yeller?  To be more kind and gentle?  To feel less guilty?

Yes.

But, no.

The impossible in my life is that I could live every moment, do every task, engage in every conversation to the glory of God.

Last night, my fear of the future, when I look back at my young mommy years, was all based on ME.

Yuck!

The Lord is gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love.  He wants us to fear Him, serve Him, love Him - with all our heart, soul, and mind.  And I'm pretty sure He's the only one that can bring this kind of transformation in my life!  (yours, too.)

Furthermore, as He changes us into true worshipers, I firmly believe that that nasty guilt, the ugly yelling, the habitual sins will lose their power.

Will you call on the Father for the impossible today?  My prayer is that God will make me one who lives for His glory.  How about you?  With the crazy self-love in my heart, it seems impossible.  But as Jesus said:

What is impossible with man is possible with God.

And Augustus Toplady in 'Rock of Ages':

Not the labor of my hands,

Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;

Could my zeal no respite know,

Could my tears forever flow,

All for sin could not atone;

Thou must save and Thou alone.